“Nothing you become will disappoint me; I have no preconception that I'd
like to see you be or do. I have no desire to foresee you, only to discover
you. You can't disappoint me”
― Mary Haskell
I
want to share with you a story, a story of tragedy, a story of hope, a story of
hidden love of God, a story of a little girl who in the midst of her messed up
life navigated through dark clouds and still found light, still found that the
sun still shines even when it’s raining bad, A story about a girl who suffered
mistreatment and cruelness of the world, A girl who believed in something
bigger than herself without knowing how or why, a girl who longed the normal
life but was denied it, a girl who had lost hope and trust in people but still
believed in God, a girl who believed in bigger things that only happened in
movies, a girl who believed in “THIS TOO SHALL PASS” even though it never
passed. Most of all a story about girl now full of hope, dreams, future, oh and
fantasy!
See,
this girl I know, this girl I have met, this girl I have lived with for 22
years, this girl I shared everything with. I know this girl up and down, I know
her weaknesses, I know her strengths, I know the many sleepless night she
spends thinking about her future, I know the love in her heart that she has
many times shared with wrong people, I know everything she prays for but never
yet answered, I know all the hurt she goes through with her friends and family,
I know how she looks happy and good outside even when there is so much
brokenness in heart, I know how deeply she cares about children and women of
Rwanda, I know her heart for the missions, I know her love for traveling, I
know her visions for the bright future but most of all I know she still sees
the light through dark clouds. I know her inside out and now it’s time my
readers meet her too.
I
know this girl more than I know anyone else in this world, I know her because
this girl is ME, see, I have always been so afraid for sharing my story, afraid
for judgments, misconceptions, hate, and my own past, afraid that my past will
interfere with my present and destroy my future. This year I got to attend the
women of faith Tour, and I am glad I did. These women shared their stories that
mostly changed how I think, see, from the outside looking at them, these women
are successful living a life that so many of us only dream about, and when we
look at them or at least when I do I always say to myself “ I can never be like
them” mostly because I feel like my past will never let me but little did I know
that these women did not start where they are today and most if not all of them
had a broken past which had led them to the life they live today. Those 2 days
of women of Faith tour may have changed the way I think about my future and inspired
me to tell my story and share with the world what I have experienced before now.
It’s because of these woman that today and through this year I will be sharing
a lot.
 |
| The little girl I once knew turned into this lady |
As
I was reflecting on my life today I was reminded of a day I was sitting in my dorm
room in high school, wondering why I was not like all the other kids around me,
well looking from the outside I was already like those kids, I wore nice
cloths, “hang with cool kids” and used the language that was on style then but
inside I knew I was different, I knew I would never be like those other kids. I
could pretend all day to be like everyone else but at the end of the day I was
reminded that my life was not as successful as theirs, I was not going to go
home to mom and dad during the weekend in fact I was not going to go home at
all like them, I knew I had no mom and no dad like most of them did, I knew there
was a big chance of not being visited on
visiting days like my friends would, but when I was asked or approached by a
friend why I never get picked up for the weekend, or if they could come visit
me over the break I’d come up with a story to cover up the truth. The truth was over the break I don’t go home
to mom and dad, Truth was, over the break I go to a Children’s’ home, that was
my home and when I was there, it felt okay because I loved all my sisters and brothers
there but I was embarrassed to have my friends know that about myself, ashamed
to tell my friends we have no visitation arrangement at the home but most of
all and what people never knew was, I was ashamed of myself, of not telling
truth to my friends, of not giving them a chance to know who I really was and
what kind of life I lived that was different and may have been good different.
 |
| Tell your story, there will be nothing to lose! only lots to gain!!!!! |
I
remember that one night in the dorm room I was journaling about my day and
writing my life desires down. And I remember for the many years I have longed
for a mother in my life, I could say I longed for a family but with my sisters
and brothers at the children’s home, in them I had a family, I could say I
longed for a father but unfortunately most fathers I have seen or known, were
either beating up their kids and their wives or cheating on their marriages
with school girls so I had no desire for a father but a mother. I had written
so many letters to different women I saw and know they could have been good
mothers to me, I write them letters but really never sent them because at the
end of the day it was just a “wish upon a star”. I remember one of the letters
that was directed to my pastor’s wife, I was desperately asking her to be my
mother and promising her I’d be good and I’d do all the house work, telling her
if she agrees to be my mother she will never need a housemaid because I was
good with housework. And I prayed over every letter I’ve ever written, asking
God to see the desire in my heart. So many years had passed since that letter,
but that time in the dorm room I really needed a mother so I wrote a new letter
to a new mom.
 |
| I have both father and mother now! God listen and answered! |
This
new letter was directed to the headmistress of the school, the woman most
student never identified themselves with, the woman who was never liked at all.
Why was I asking her to be my mother at least for the day? Well behind all her cruelness,
rudeness and everything unpleasant, hidden in her was a love of her 3 children and
I longed a piece of that love she held in her heart, a love that made her share
and brag stories about her kids, I wanted to be a character in her stories,
sharing her love. And despite how she never liked me I still wrote the letter
because she was the only mother figure in the school at the moment and I would
have taken anything thing motherly from her! Well anything except the
stemotherly mistreatment!
 |
| Dreams do come true and miracles do happen everyday! you just have to inside to see them |
Looking
back now I am on the other side of the story, I am that girl with a mom not
only that I am that girl with a father too, one who does not beat his kids and
his wife one who only have love for his wife and his family. I could honestly
say with few years of school remaining I can classify myself at the level of
those women of faith, I am this close to having it all. But because of my past
I have prevented myself from enjoying life, mostly because I’ve felt like it
would not be fair to the other” MES” still out there, that will just bring my
past into my present. Until last year when I started Stalking one of my girlfriend’s’
blog, Facebook and Instagram. See, my friend had suffered an illness and she
was just a teenager, her life was just beginning and at the same time thinking about
the illness that might have ended her life yet she still saw the light in the
dark clouds and believed that the sun will still shine despite the amount of
the rain pouring in her life, I was encouraged by her so much and I had concluded
that “she is living life to the fullest” I had no idea what that meant for me. What
would it look like if I did not worry about tomorrow, if I did not plan anything
for tomorrow and just live for today because in reality it’s all we’ve got, we
have no idea if we will still have tomorrow the only sure thing is that we have
today.
 |
| Mother (back) father(left) twin brother(right) and little brother (back left) My heart is full of joy because God made me laugh like that lady in the bible, Samuel's mom is it?!!? |
I
just want to encourage you to live today, enjoy today because you have it for
sure, and live in the moment “now or never” they say. I want to remind you that
tomorrow is not your responsibility leave it to God because he is always a step
ahead of us meaning he is already in your tomorrow and with his assurance I don’t
know why we worry about tomorrow at all. So today live like there is no
tomorrow let God worry about tomorrow for you. And if you are like I and you
are afraid the past will interfere, please be true to yourself, tell your story
I guarantee it will make you feel good. Share your experience with others and
give them hope to enjoy the day that is provided for free at no cost at all and
wake up in the morning knowing that you’re a conqueror because Jesus made sure
of that.
 |
| Don't forget the light still exist, there is no amount of dark clouds that will cover it for long! "the sun will still shine in the middle of pouring rain" just travel to Rwanda, you will see it, guarantee. |
Look
in the mirror and be amazed and grateful of what you see because you’re nothing
but beautiful and wonderfully made but in all friends don’t forget to give God
thanks. I know I am always mixing up my stories but what can I say? I am a free
writer and I write all that God puts into my heart and for now, I want to
remind you all to love on the children whatever form they come in, biological,
adoption, foster or simple babysitting. See, not all kids were born the same,
some kids like the girl I once knew! Belong to nowhere and to no one and they
sit somewhere wishing they could have a mother or simply giving up on life
because it is not fair, please love then if you can, give them hope and help
them dream big.
 |
| My wish came true! I have a permanent mother! God read all my letters! |
Lastly
if you can, connect with an organization, volunteer, sponsor, adopt, foster do
anything to make a different in a child’s life domestically or internationally,
give a child a dream for tomorrow and help them enjoy today and while you are
at it, don’t forget to share the success story with me!
Have
a Blessed today!
XOXO
Kelly
